What is basic communication we ask??
Isn’t it interesting how everyone views and thinks of communication in so many different ways… Well probably because there are so many different ways you can communicate! In a relationship of any kind just starting off or longer term it is one of the most important things to evolve, to be the best you can be.. you will be using that skill over and over. Family, friends, lovers, coworkers and even in the bedroom the communication skill will begin to make your wonderful life even more wonderful. OK, so you say “my life isn’t so wonderful”, it will help you get there and then once you’re there, BOOM your being even more wonderful everyday!! Amazing things to look forward to, huh.
Everyday we communicate in some sort of way, even if you don’t realize it. Not only thru voice communication, also with body language, yes that’s a form of communication too! “what! my body is communicating!! how? And it didn’t tell me!” Yes you are doing it even if your body didn’t send out a bulletin. How you ask? Well if you think about your posture, how you are standing or sitting. Are you facing the person you are communicating with? If not you really aren’t giving them your attention fully. So face them, look at their face, anywhere on their face if that makes you more comfortable. They really don’t know you are looking at their nose or mouth. Ha!
Just a thing I do, I look at their eyes to see them then I tend to look at their mouth mostly. It’s something I starting doing when I wanted to see if I could read lips!! OK, so I am not a pro at reading lips, but it does help me and I am better than I used to be.
So here is a BIG one this day and age… focusing on them thru body language by NOT using your other communication devices. Yes that means your PHONE, tablet or computer! In the world we live in people of all ages & backgrounds are into their technology. Yes those devices, one of which I am using right now are wonderful and we all use them. However, we are not focusing and giving the person right there in front of you, YES the person you are communicating with right now, the attention they deserve! OK, so you say, ”I have to take this call or text it’s an emergency” yes that is a rarity and it doesn’t happen, but not every time you are talking to someone. (if it does, that is something else we need to work on for your mental and physical well-being overall) It is RUDE and can wait!!!!! The moment of now, who you are with should be your focus in communicating not your devices. Show the person you are listening and they are important to you right now. Just that “tiny” thing with boost the trust in the communication and that they feel they are in the moment with you. WOW, you just made them feel that you care about spending time and communicating with them, no matter how much time you spend together. Not that you would rather be in the device and not with them!
Listen, Listen, Listen What? “I thought you said conversation? Doesn’t that mean I talk too?” Yes, you are correct it does, but and a big BUT here… are you really listening to the other person and what they are saying or are you thinking about something else or what you are going to say next?? To really communicate well it takes practice, and one of those things you are going to learn is to listen. OK, so we all think we listen, but we don’t most of the time. This is a skill, I just like you said “I listen, I’m in the conversation aren’t I?” Well l hate to say it I didn’t really fully understand until I stopped TALKING and started to just LISTEN! Wow, I realized that was a skill I need to work on, and so I did. It helped me so much you would not believe. I was more in the conversation than I had ever been, and so that trust with communication went even further! Wow just like that!
Some things to keep in mind and be aware of…
-Focus on the person you are with
-Avoid seeming judgmental
-Show your interest, in ways mentioned above and by acknowledging with “yes” or “ok” etc..
If it seems that there is some stress in the communication, try these…
-Take a moment to calm yourself, go to the bathroom to remove yourself
-Look and see if there is anything you can identify with in anything being said, some common ground to work with
-Negotiate , right or wrong fault or no fault
So these are just some very basic things you would think everyone knows right? Ha unfortunately not, I see it everyday and then I see the hurt or unhappiness that derives for some of these things not being practiced and it of course 🙁 makes me sad… So lets start today with just implementing the “tiny” things to bring us closer to a wonderful communicative life and happiness for you and the people around you!