Is Bigger Better? The Average Penis Size and What It Means

If you’re a man, then you’ve probably at some point in your life taken out a ruler to measure an instrument you use every day- yeah, we’re talking about your penis. Most men have measured their penis size, probably even more than once.  Maybe you’ve taken a glance or two in the boys locker room to see if your penis is a “good” size because let’s face it- porn did not help.  Porn industries like to site that their male performers are over seven inches.  The appearance of large penises in porn has caused many men to believe that performance satisfaction lies in size.  The truth is that measurement in porn is an exaggeration and just a good use of camera angles.  

So what is the average penis size?  The average penis size erect is 5.16 inches.  The average girth? 4.69 erect.  Nowhere even close to above seven inches.  In fact, out of 100 people, only five would even have a penis longer than 6 inches.  Only 1% of the entire world has a penis larger than 8 3/4 inches.      

But does penis size even matter?  Most men seem to be under the assumption that a larger penis is better for love making.  The truth is, most women really don’t care.  Many studies that have been conducted where women are interviewed about penis size have concluded that the majority care about the quality of love making, and that has nothing to do with size.  About 85% of women are completely satisfied with their partner’s penis size.  There seems to be a common theme among men that a big, massive penis is what women REALLY want, but most women agree that REALLY big does not seem pleasurable at all.  Really big sounds like a lot of pain and not the good kind. In terms of long term mating, women prefer an average penis.  Men, more than woman, are the ones most concerned.  That concern can lead to insecurities about performance which can lead to even bigger issues like Erectile Disfunction.  A leading cause of ED is performance anxiety, so worrying about size won’t do you any good.  Worrying about size just makes matters worse.  

The belief that bigger is better is also a slap to those communities that participate in sex without penetration.  Believing that bigger is better also limits discussions about what qualifies as good intimacy.  Sex is way more intricate than that.  Many of those within the lesbian community have fulfilling sex without a penis being involved.  They’ll be the first to tell you that sex isn’t as simple as a “big dick”.  Especially when it comes to the female orgasm.  Penetration during sex isn’t as likely to cause your lady to reach orgasm as clit stimulation is.  62% of women have had an orgasm through penetration. That leaves a large amount that won’t be satisfied no matter the size of your penis.  In the range of sexuality, 86% of lesbian women have had orgasms with their partners every time.  The reason why this number is much higher is because lesbian sex often relies heavily on clitoral stimulation, and it is clitoral stimulation where most women find they are able to achieve an orgasm.  So even if you had an incredibly large penis, this may not increase your chances of making a woman orgasm.  

Vaginas are complex things.  The way women orgasm differ from woman to woman.  What works for one lady, may not work for another.  Understanding the complexity with each woman is what really helps with better intimacy.  Communicating with our partners about what we like and what we don’t like leads to better sex.  Not penis size.  

Even within the gay community, size seems to cause more problems than benefits.  Gay men have reported experiencing higher anxiety about their penis size than heterosexual men.  This high anxiety, once again, causes performance issues as well as insecurities when approaching a partner for sexual intimacy.  Even studies that have shown gay men preferring larger penises, show that it was because a large penis usually connects to more confidence.  Men that have bigger dicks tend to have higher self esteem, and it is their confidence in bed that make them better lovers- not their willies. 

So is bigger better?  It seems that bigger may be better but only in terms of confidence.  What makes good sex is communication, openness, and love- even if it’s just love of sex.  Partners who are excited about love making and willing to listen are reported as being better lays.  Most women we have talked to say their experience is that a larger girth is nice but not needed.  As for length, they really don’t care.  One woman told us that good intimacy depends on “varying degrees of emotional foreplay and aftercare.” Size is fine and all, but to her “emotional stimulation creates for better explosive orgasms.” 

So if bigger confidence is better, how do you create that? Education is a start.  Attending classes about sexuality, reading about sexuality, working with sex therapists- these are great starts!  When you are confident about what you know, you’ll be more confident about what you are doing.  Seeking outside help is also great.  That’s where people like me come in! 

Working with a sexological bodyworker such as myself helps deepen your sexual experience.  Sexological bodyworkers are specifically trained to help awaken and nurture your sexual being.  We are also trained to address all types of sexual challenges.  Seeking help through a bodyworker will increase your confidence, therefore, increase your satisfaction in the bedroom.  

Above anything else, though, communicate.  Talk honestly with your partner.  Do not be afraid to tell them what you want.  Listen, incorporate, and try new things! 

That ruler may tell you a number, but it won’t tell you satisfaction.  Love yourself.  Love your bodies.  Love each other, and remember to have fun!