Sex a Skill?


There are a few ways to view the sexual act in human beings. First you can look at it from a strictly biological view-point. In that case sex is nothing more than a breeding exercise and the only goal is impregnation of the female. This Method is by far the most common in the animal world and explains why most sexual encounters are quick and without much pleasure for either party. However in the case of humans and a few other species sex has evolved into something else entirely.

Even among the species that enjoy sex and seek it for fun as much as for procreation humans put an unprecedented amount of energy into finding and enjoying sexual partners. If our only concern was to impregnate females then we could spend all our time attracting them and not worry about how much fun they have during the act, as long as we finish the process. Although this is a legitimate way to look at sex it is also a good way to limit your sex life. Humans females are not just interested in breeding and the more they enjoy themselves the more they will want to participate. So regardless of whether you have one long-term partner or your goal is to have as many as possible, you need to look at sex differently, as a skill.

Like any skill some people will be naturally more gifted but anyone can get better. For the sake of this post lets use golf as an analogy to sex. Anyone who has played the game knows that the first time out you will not be good. Your ball will spend more time in the rough than it will on the fairway and that is to be expected. There may be people who try once and give up but most expect to be bad and they know they need to practice and they will improve over time. In fact they will hit the driving range, buy the magazines, and watch the YouTube videos all in an effort to improve their game in any way. They will even discuss technique with their friends.

Imagine if we treated sex like we do golf. What if as men we dropped the ego from sex and treated it like a skill. Instead of bragging to our friends about all the pussy we get maybe we could have open and honest conversations about how we have sex and how to make it better. Instead of only watching porn we could watch instructional videos from real educators with real info to share. Instead of consuming all the trivial info available on sex maybe read a book on what it takes to truly connect with your partner so you both can feel as much pleasure as possible. Will this feel awkward at first? You bet! Just like golf, you will struggle at first but as you practice these new behaviors they will become second nature and then you can really begin to enjoy yourself.

Just like any other skill sex can be a constant learning process. You will never really be done, there will always be new levels to ascend to. Imagine if your main focus for sex became to make it better each time as opposed to just trying to have more. Most men seem to put a lot of effort into having more sex than they are currently having, whether this means picking up new partners or just trying to persuade your partner to do it more. If we spent that energy in practicing the skills that would make us better in bed I can pretty much guarantee you will end up having more sex. As you progress and learn physical, emotional, and communication skills your partner(s) will start enjoying themselves more and therefore will want more. If you are single, the skills you learn and the confidence you gain will be evident to potential mates and many will find this very attractive. Also if word gets out that you are a patient, caring, and skilled lover then you are starting off well ahead of the field. Its like practicing golf for years and then playing a round with guys who never practice, it will be obvious.

The fastest and most effective way to improve your golf game is to hire a coach, this is true of sex and relationships as well. No matter how good your game is in either area it can be better. PGA golfers have coaches even though they are already elite athletes, so bringing in a coach is not a sign of inadequacies in you golf game or your sex life. Most people don’t realize that there are coaches for your sexual relationships, but there are. Coaching can take many forms just like in sports. You can attend seminars, do private video conferencing, or there are even coaches who will do private sessions with you and your partner(s) in the privacy of your own home.

Another aspect of sex as a skill is your endurance. I realize that satisfying your partner may not take olympic levels of physical endurance but if you are wheezing in their ear after two minutes of frantic pumping then they are much less likely to fully enjoy the moment. It does mean that a regular exercise program will help you perform and help your partner enjoy themselves without worrying about you having a heart attack and collapsing on them. Again if you are single, being in decent shape is the clearest way to let a potential partner know that you are healthy and more likely to be able to please them. If you are in a long-term relationship and have maybe let yourself go a bit then getting in better shape is a sure way to re-catch your partners eye, they say it doesn’t matter, but it does. You don’t need to look like Mr. Olympia and have the endurance of a triathlete but cutting back on the sugar and moving everyday will go far in attracting and satisfying whoever you have your eye on. Because a gut gets in the way of a good backstroke on the golf course and in the bedroom. Of course there are some major differences between sex and golf. Most notable is the fact that in golf the aim is to have the lowest number of strokes at the end, in sex your goal should be the opposite.

Even though this post was directed at men and mentions impregnation, that does not mean that straight men are the only ones that should view sex this way. Everyone could be better in bed. So regardless of your gender or the gender of your partner(s) you should be viewing your sexy time as a sport and you should be studying and training accordingly. 

The best way to improve at any complex skill is to put forth a conscious effort and to practice the basic skills required to perform effectively. This goes for golf or any other sport you may be interested in. It also goes for bedroom games. If you want to be an all-star between the sheets then focus on the basic skills and don’t be afraid to mix up the routine.


Dragonfly Love